Still human...

As I am fond of saying, they operated on my stomach, not my head, the result being that I still struggle with some of my old temptations, especially sweets. Having a tiny tummy does not guarantee that you won't be tempted to fill it with things you KNOW are not condusive to weight loss! Can someone please tell me why I ate FIVE cookies at a meeting yesterday afternoon?! (Oh yes, that is certainly possible--especially spread out over an hour's time.) And then guess who wasn't hungry for a good, healthy dinner?!

Still fighting some old demons now and then, which is ironic, since I resisted surgery saying that I needed to gain greater self-mastery "on my own". Someone upstairs has a sense of humor. Looks like I still have much learning to do! But hey, every day's a new day. What's different now is that I don't let a slip up ruin my entire week. Or month. And they don't happen very often. In the "old days," I found I was making "exceptions" all the time. Those add up! Nowadays, exceptions truly are an exception and not the rule. I still get frustrated with myself for choosing things that are not in line with my goals. Why do I do that? I mean, they are MY goals, so why is it sometimes hard to simply pass it up? Hmmm. I think I need to try and remind myself in the moment that xyz is not what I really want. Seriously, it's just food, afterall. Why should it take any precedence over my REAL goals?

I have been noticing that I tend to post when I'm frustrated about something. I seem to be using this journal as an outlet for sorting out my feelings, which is fine, but then I never get around to posting all the good stuff. So, let me tell you what IS awesome (based on my pre-surgery top ten list).

10. Yes! I can paint my own toenails now! Although I still prefer a nice pedicure...

9. Still wearing my ugly Z-coils, but I need to go shoe shopping. Can you believe my tennis shoes have gotten too big? It's crazy how much less puffy my feet have gotten.

8. About a month ago we went to one of the Phoenix Boys Choir concerts at the Orpheum, which has notoriously small seats. Last time I was there I was SO uncomfortable! This time, I easily slid into the seat without even thinking about it. Then suddenly I remembered how awful it had been before! What a cool WOW moment!

7. Still used a seatbelt extender when I flew to Africa, and I haven't been anywhere since then (that was February). I think I need to go take a trip now, just to try it out!

6. I work in my yard pulling weeds, pruning the trees, etc. etc. with much less pain/aching afterwards. It's getting better!

5. My energy is much improved. A full day of teaching is not nearly as hard as it used to be. I just got through teaching two weeks of science camp, and most days were just fine!

4. I am completely off by diabetes meds (totally normal blood sugars--even with a glucose challenge!), and I take less pain medication than before (still working on that goal).

3. My selection of clothing is still limited to plus sizes, but I am no longer stuck wearing awful knit pants! Once I finally hit the point where I could fit "normal" zip-up khakis and jeans, I swore I would never wear knit bottoms again (except for exercise clothes, of course!). Right now, my sizes are still changing fairly frequently, so my "favorite" shops are Goodwill and D.I. I don't think I'll spend money buying the good stuff until I hit my goal.

2. I'm much more active, and I look forward to biking this fall (hint to Alden: guess what I want for my birthday???)

1. My outlook for a long, healthy life keeps getting better and better!

Love you all,

Cassi