I'm home and doing great!

I came home yesterday afternoon, and I'm doing very well. I had along wait for surgery. It was originally scheduled for 2:30, one of the surgeries before me went long, so my new time was 3:00. Then the doc came in and told me that he had an important meeting over at another hospital at 4:00 and that he would do me at 4:30. That didn't sound realistic, and sure enough it wasn't. I was wheeled in for surgery at 5:00. But at least they didn't postpone it to another day! I'll tell you, I was one thirsty girl, since I had been NPO since midnight. They had a hard time finding a vein for the IV, of course, but other than that, it was smooth sailing.

Recovery has been just fine. Pain is manageable, although getting into and out of bed is still a beast. Anything that involves the core/tummy muscles is mighty uncomfortable! That will pass, though,so I'm just keeping it all in perspective. I'm just SO glad to be home now and relaxing in my own environment.

It still amazes me how little I can eat! I had a hard time just finishing what the hospital brought (photo below) which looked hilarious on a plate, and yet I sometimes couldn't eat it all. I'm also relearning how to drink water! I used to love to guzzle aglass of water. Now I have to remind myself to take small sips, and to do it CONSTANTLY! No wonder I hear about people struggling to get all their water in!

I am walking, walking, walking! I was told that this would be an important factor in a quick recovery and decreasing gas pains, and I am taking that very seriously. In the hospital, I started walking immediately after surgery, although that was very painful because the pain medication administration machine was NOT working (dead battery!). I got up and walked almost every two hours, except when I was sleeping. Initially it was just to the end of the hall and back, but each time I went a little further so that by the end I was walking the full floor five times around. I'm still continuing the walking at home, and I intend to make this a daily habit. I think the commitment do exercise every single day is almost as important as the exercise itself.

My diet for the first three weeks is full liquids (which can include yogurt and cream of wheat thinned out a bit). The next five weeks is pureed/mashed foods, baby-food consistency. This gives your insides a full two months of "easy" foods so that the stomach/intestines can heal completely. We had Thanksgiving over at Mikki's today. I was feeling quite good, although towards the end I was getting pretty tired and sore. It was kind of silly eating my 1/4 c. of turkey broth while everyone else was eating Thanksgiving, but again, I couldn't have eaten a drop more. I was tempted to have a teeny tiny bite of mashed potatoes--they are soft and smooth, after all, but I was a good girl and stuck to my doctor's orders. I didn't go through all of this to"cheat" here and there. No way! I can't wait to watch the progress unfold!

This is the official "before" picture, taken the night before surgery.

I wasn't the least bit nervous on the day of surgery. I was SO ready for this!

My first meal: apple juice and jello!

Tomorrow's the day!

Wow! It's really here! It feels rather surreal, even as I make all the final preparations:

bag packed--check
meals brought in (family and church)--check
meals in freezer for next two weeks--check
someone to pick up ds after school--check
hibiclens/antiseptic showers--check
bowel prep (ughh!)--check

I feel like a pilot doing a pre-flight check-down. Actually, it's a nice analogy 'cause I am ready to FLY! After tomorrow, my life will be forever changed. I'll still be the same person, but with a tool to make my dreams come true.

Oh yeah! Here I come!

$43.11 of Mortification

I bought a new pair of shoes today. That hardly seems like blog-worthy news, but it is. They were athletic shoes. Now, to most of you, that seems even less blog-worthy. Maybe some Bandalinos or Guccis, sure, but tennies? The truth is, I haven't bought tennis shoes in years. It is simply too much of an ordeal. My feet are not exactly normal-sized. The tennis shoes I bought today were a size 9.5 wide. I almost died! Not that there's anything wrong with being a size 9.5. The problem is that I'm NOT a 9.5! Standing on the foot measuring thingy, I'm a size 6. Seriously! But does my foot actually FIT in a size 6? Uh, no. Maybe my big toe would, but it's a little hard to walk that way. :-)

Even more embarrassing than the size was the fact that it was so awkward to put on my socks and shoes. Tying them was quite a feat of body contortion. Eventually the sales girl (tiny, of course) said, "Here, let me get that for you." And she tied my shoe for me. Could I please just crawl under a rock?

Here's something I've noticed. Since deciding to do this surgery, my weight/size issues have come to a painful awareness. I used to think that I didn't worry much about what other people may or may not be thinking. Now I realize that that was just a sham, a survival mechanism. I had to adopt a shell of "I don't care what people are thinking" just so I could get on with doing what I needed to do. For example, when I went back to school nine years ago, I did not fit in. And I mean that quite literally. I did not fit in the desks. Yet, I was determined to go back to school and get my degree. So, I started "scouting out" the rooms ahead of time. I made sure there was a chair in the room that was not attached to a desk. Then when I went to class, I got there early so that I could "set up" by sitting in the regular chair and turning one of the desks around backwards to use as a writing surface. I did this for four years. Dang, I can sure be determined sometimes! However, I think that creating a facade of "I don't care" has its downsides.

So, back to my tennis shoes. Or, more accurately, my walking shoes (tennis will come later). I survived the ordeal and I am now the proud owner of a pair of New Balance shoes. Post surgery, lots of walking is important--even from the very first day they get you up and walking the halls. Initially, this is because they expand the abdomen with CO2 gas in order to do the surgery laproscopically, which can result in nasty gas pains. The best way to work the gas out is walk, walk, walk. After that, though, walking continues to be important for getting in non-strenuous exercise in the first six weeks post-op. As you know, walking is hard for me; I get severe pain in my back after about 10 minutes. So, I will do what I can and push it a little, but not so much that I can't continue the next day.

After my shoe purchase, I went to our gym and met with a personal trainer. I want to do this right, and I am very committed to the exercise portion of losing weight. Surgery doesn't "fix" that part of the equation! We did an overall assessment to get my "starting point", which is not too impressive. But it sure will be exciting to see it improve! So, here are my stats:

Chronological Age: 42 (Body age=52)
Weight: 352 lbs (initial goal=299)
Max VO2: 14.7, very poor (initial goal: 30.0, fair=29.45-32.30)
Bicep Strength: 52 lbs, average (initial goal: 60 lbs, good=56-72 lbs)
Flexibility: 10", poor (initial goal: 12.0", fair=11.1-12.8")
Body Fat: 43.1%, obese (initial goal: 35%, overweight=30.1-35.0%)

I will keep these updated as I go along through my metamorphosis. I think these numbers are much more telling than the numbers on the scale!

Three more days!

It's for real now!

It's one thing to think about it and initiate the process, but when you find out you're approved, it can be a little bit mind-blowing. It's exciting and frightening all at the same time. You know the saying, "Be careful what you ask for--you just might get it!" That's how I feel right now.

So, it really is official. Insurance has approved it and the hospital called today to schedule all the pre-op tests (blood draws, abdominal ultrasound, EKG, sprirometer, etc., etc.). My surgery date is November 19th--right before Thanksgiving! Too bad it couldn't be right after :-(

Oh well, I'm just thankful that it all managed to work out! There were a few hiccups along the way. Well, just one big one, really. Insurance coverage. I'm still not sure how it's going to sort out for coverage after November, but I'm covered for the surgery. So, I'm moving forward. Thank you for all your prayers and fasting! I am so blessed to have such wonderful support!

Top 10 Reasons for Morphing...

10. I want to be able to paint my own toenails.





9. I want to wear cute shoes, not Z-coils!







8. I want to go to restaurants and theatres and not wonder if I will fit in the seats.





7. I want to fly without a seatbelt extender, and I want to climb the Great Wall of China, not just take pictures of it.







6. I want to work in my yard and garden without aching for days afterward.






5. I want to have the energy to work full-time and still have plenty of energy left at the end of the day for family and volunteering.





4. I want to be off my medications, especially diabetes and pain meds.





3. I want to be able to buy clothes that fit my tastes, not my size.





2. I want to bike, hike, swim, and play with my kids and husband.







1. I want to be around to see my children have children. And for their children to have children.

The game begins...

Where to begin? I was small when I was born (6 lbs, 6 oz) and that was the last time I remember being small. Okay, I don't really remember that. Which means, I cannot remember a time--ever--that I didn't feel overweight. Which is not to say I was always obese. My younger sister was naturally skinny, and I was naturally somewhat chubby. In my mind, compared to her, I was fat. I look back at my childhood pictures and say, "Wait a minute! I wasn't as fat as I thought I was!"

Fast-forward forty years, and I am exactly what I always thought I was. Fat. Very fat. If there were a category for super super morbidly obese, I'd be in it. The weight began creeping on during my high school years. I weighed 140 lbs as a freshman (age 14) and I thought I needed to lose 50 lbs. Granted, I'm short, but still, I wasn't as fat as I thought I was (that seems to be a theme). By my early twenties I was around 240-260. I lost 80 lbs at one point, just before I met/married my husband. But after baby #1, I was right back up to 260. After baby #2 (seven years later) I was up to 320. After about 10 years of rigorous dieting and vigorous eating (cuz you know they go hand-in-hand!) I found myself over the 350 mark. 358 to be exact.

The last 15 years have been a gradual climb of 100 lbs. It was so slow you'd almost not notice. And when you're already fat, it seems to all just "blend in". However, when I see myself in photographs, I now have the opposite reaction than I did as a child. It always surprises me to see how large I really am. Apparently, my sense of "what size I am" is rather warped. That is something I will have to deal with on my way down. I'm sure other things will come up as well. I am 100% convinced that extreme obesity has as many emotional connections as it does physical.So, after years of resisting the idea of weight loss surgery (thought I was giving up, wanted to do it on my own, didn't want to take the easy way out, etc.), I have finally learned that a) it's okay to ask for and/or accept help, b) it's NOT the easy way--but it's almost always the SURE way, and c) I'm pretty darn stubborn. Now I'm going to take that stubbornness, which we shall reclassify as determination, and put it to good use.

The game has begun...