My sister Amy tagged everyone who reads her blog with this, so I figured I'd play along:
The bolded items are the things I've done...
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check [not on purpose]
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
You've now been tagged! Copy the list and bold the things you have done, and unbold the things you haven't done. Have fun!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
One Year Later...
It's hard to believe that a whole year has come and gone! It seems so short, but what amazing things have happened in this past year! Weight-wise, I have now lost just about 130 pounds. I've gone from a size 32 to a size 16-18 (still smaller on top). I weigh about 230 pounds now, which is still about 90 pounds from my sort-of goal. It's so nice to have the amount left to lose in just double digits! I still have a lot of work to do. It is much, much harder now! It takes real effort to lose now--plenty of exercise and careful eating, but that's what it's always been about, so I am fine with that. It is also slower now, of course. I typically lose 1-2 pounds a week, maybe 3 sometimes. That's really not any more than a "normal" person. The key difference is that it's consistent. Plus, I haven't regained anything, which is what typically happened for me.
With so much to be thankful for, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving was exactly one year after I came home from the hospital. Last year, I "ate" turkey broth for Thanksgiving dinner. Woohoo. Exciting. This year I had tiny portions of all my favorite things--some ham, stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes (with gravy, even), sweet potatoes, and, yes, some pie (half a piece of pumpkin and half a piece of chocolate cream). The pie was about two hours after dinner, because I simply couldn't have eaten it earlier. Plus, it was nice to simply enjoy a yummy dinner and then have some dessert after visiting, walking, playing some Scrabble, etc.
One year later, it feels like I never had anything done. I eat pretty much like a typical "light" eater. Pre-surgery, I worried that I would forever have to eat ridiculously small portions that would either make me look "weird" or make enjoying food-related social occasions (are there any other kind?) awkward. I'm so glad to say that isn't an issue at all. Neither are food intolerances, other than fats. I still can't handle high-fat foods. In fact, last week I got one of my favorite indulgences--a Starbucks Green Tea Latte (nonfat, with peppermint instead of melon, extra matcha, no ice)--and somehow the "nonfat" part of it got lost in all the other changes I make (yes, I'm one of those people that other people roll their eyes at when they hear my order), and I ended up with a full-fat version. I had only drank about a third of it before I started feeling sick. Unfortunately, I was on my way home from work and headed to my class for finals! I had to stop at Bekki's house to use the restroom and throw some water on my face to try and pull it together. I went on to class, and felt fine in about 30 minutes. But, ugh! I feel SO yucky when I eat (or drink, apparently) fatty things.
I love that I have moved out of the phase where it was all so new, and it was such a dominant part of my life. Now, I hardly even think about it. The only time I think about it now is when my clothes don't fit anymore and I have to go shopping. Again. But at least I enjoy shopping now! And, thankfully, I finally have a job (I'm teaching 7th grade science and math--fun!), so it's not such a stress. I still look forward to the day when I'll finally look good in my clothes. I still feel fat (well, because I still am!). Of course, when I look at old pictures, I see the progress (and want to throw up at the sight of myself!). So, I am encouraged that I'm not there anymore. In fact, I am mortified at the thought of where I used to be. How is it possible that I ever let myself get that way?! And how is it possible I still had any self-confidence? I was clearly oblivious to the awful reality. It's kind of weird to be so disgusted with myself after the fact.Oh well, at least it's over now. I hear about people who regain their weight, but I can't imagine EVER going back! I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better. I teach all day long, usually with no pain; my energy level is awesome; my diabetes is virtually non-existant. For the most part, the only time I have really bad back pain now is with rainy/stormy weather.
Well, here's the lastest pic. Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone!
With so much to be thankful for, I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving was exactly one year after I came home from the hospital. Last year, I "ate" turkey broth for Thanksgiving dinner. Woohoo. Exciting. This year I had tiny portions of all my favorite things--some ham, stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes (with gravy, even), sweet potatoes, and, yes, some pie (half a piece of pumpkin and half a piece of chocolate cream). The pie was about two hours after dinner, because I simply couldn't have eaten it earlier. Plus, it was nice to simply enjoy a yummy dinner and then have some dessert after visiting, walking, playing some Scrabble, etc.
One year later, it feels like I never had anything done. I eat pretty much like a typical "light" eater. Pre-surgery, I worried that I would forever have to eat ridiculously small portions that would either make me look "weird" or make enjoying food-related social occasions (are there any other kind?) awkward. I'm so glad to say that isn't an issue at all. Neither are food intolerances, other than fats. I still can't handle high-fat foods. In fact, last week I got one of my favorite indulgences--a Starbucks Green Tea Latte (nonfat, with peppermint instead of melon, extra matcha, no ice)--and somehow the "nonfat" part of it got lost in all the other changes I make (yes, I'm one of those people that other people roll their eyes at when they hear my order), and I ended up with a full-fat version. I had only drank about a third of it before I started feeling sick. Unfortunately, I was on my way home from work and headed to my class for finals! I had to stop at Bekki's house to use the restroom and throw some water on my face to try and pull it together. I went on to class, and felt fine in about 30 minutes. But, ugh! I feel SO yucky when I eat (or drink, apparently) fatty things.
I love that I have moved out of the phase where it was all so new, and it was such a dominant part of my life. Now, I hardly even think about it. The only time I think about it now is when my clothes don't fit anymore and I have to go shopping. Again. But at least I enjoy shopping now! And, thankfully, I finally have a job (I'm teaching 7th grade science and math--fun!), so it's not such a stress. I still look forward to the day when I'll finally look good in my clothes. I still feel fat (well, because I still am!). Of course, when I look at old pictures, I see the progress (and want to throw up at the sight of myself!). So, I am encouraged that I'm not there anymore. In fact, I am mortified at the thought of where I used to be. How is it possible that I ever let myself get that way?! And how is it possible I still had any self-confidence? I was clearly oblivious to the awful reality. It's kind of weird to be so disgusted with myself after the fact.Oh well, at least it's over now. I hear about people who regain their weight, but I can't imagine EVER going back! I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better. I teach all day long, usually with no pain; my energy level is awesome; my diabetes is virtually non-existant. For the most part, the only time I have really bad back pain now is with rainy/stormy weather.
Well, here's the lastest pic. Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone!
Monday, July 28, 2008
100 pounds GONE!
Actually, I hit 100 lbs lost about three weeks ago. And then guess what happened? That's right! Nothing! I've been in a stall for three weeks, and it's just now starting to budge a little. I kind of figured this might happen (see my earlier post about milestones) because this is a weight my body is (was) very comfortable with and accustomed to.
For those of you trying to do the math, I'm now at 258. That's still pretty darn big, especially for someone 5' 3 1/2". But--as they say--everything's relative, and I feel awesome. I'm down to an 18/20 in tops and 22/24 in pants. My most recent labwork came back indicating that I'm a little low in B12; otherwise, everything else looks just peachy. Andrea asked for pictures, so here you go:
The emotional connections I'm making are HUGE. First, I've discovered that I get uncomfortable when people at church say something every single week, especially since I know that I've been in a stall for the last three weeks! No, I haven't lost any more weight this week (there's one lady who always asks!) I'm feeling like--hey, can we talk about something else, please? The irony is that I'm sure my family wishes that I'd shut up already! It's an interesting balance to try to achieve. On the one hand, losing weight, exercising, etc. is a huge element of my life right now. On the other hand, there's more to me than weight loss. Ya know what I mean? Okay, I'm rambling.
Another connection. I have a hang-up about and/or fear of being attractive. Oh sure, everyone wants to look good. Me too. But a weird thought popped in my head the other day as I was putting on my make-up and getting ready to go out somewhere. I thought, "Well, at least I'm old now and have wrinkles, so I won't be too attractive." What the heck?! (Isn't it strange how some of our own thoughts have the power to surprise us--I mean, I'm the one who thought it, so why should I be surprised?) The thing is, I thought I was looking forward to finally looking semi-cute in a pair of jeans. (Exasperated sigh) Man, I totally swear that weight loss is SO much more than just physical. Well, technically it might be about calories in v. calories burned, but the REASONS we eat can be pretty complex.
On to less weighty (pun intended) topics. Food. Oh, yes, I still love food. I still love cooking, and I still love getting creative in the kitchen. Just because I don't eat as much doesn't mean I can't appreciate exquisite tastes, textures, etc. I've been on an Indian/Thai kick that has lasted a many years now. The flavors never bore me. However, I've also been experimenting with taking old (or new) recipes and revamping them to make them healthier, i.e. less fat, less sugar, etc. I'm going to start posting these, just to share. You can do what you want with them, but they might be worth trying! So, for my inaugural entry, here's a SUPER easy and yummy way to use up all the fresh veggies bursting out of your summer garden (or grocery store).
Summer Squash Casserole:
2 small yellow crookneck squash
2 small zucchini
4 Roma tomatoes
1 small sweet onion (Vidalia, Walla Walla, etc.)
1 c. Italian cheese blend
Garlic powder
Mrs. Dash
Herbamare
Slice the squashes and tomatoes into 1/4" rounds. Slice the onion very thin. Layer 1/2 of the squashes, tomatoes, and onion. Sprinkle with garlic, Mrs. Dash, and Herbamare (seasoned sea salt). Top with 1/2 of the cheese. Continue with remaining veggies and cheese. Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes. Delish!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Still human...
As I am fond of saying, they operated on my stomach, not my head, the result being that I still struggle with some of my old temptations, especially sweets. Having a tiny tummy does not guarantee that you won't be tempted to fill it with things you KNOW are not condusive to weight loss! Can someone please tell me why I ate FIVE cookies at a meeting yesterday afternoon?! (Oh yes, that is certainly possible--especially spread out over an hour's time.) And then guess who wasn't hungry for a good, healthy dinner?!
Still fighting some old demons now and then, which is ironic, since I resisted surgery saying that I needed to gain greater self-mastery "on my own". Someone upstairs has a sense of humor. Looks like I still have much learning to do! But hey, every day's a new day. What's different now is that I don't let a slip up ruin my entire week. Or month. And they don't happen very often. In the "old days," I found I was making "exceptions" all the time. Those add up! Nowadays, exceptions truly are an exception and not the rule. I still get frustrated with myself for choosing things that are not in line with my goals. Why do I do that? I mean, they are MY goals, so why is it sometimes hard to simply pass it up? Hmmm. I think I need to try and remind myself in the moment that xyz is not what I really want. Seriously, it's just food, afterall. Why should it take any precedence over my REAL goals?
I have been noticing that I tend to post when I'm frustrated about something. I seem to be using this journal as an outlet for sorting out my feelings, which is fine, but then I never get around to posting all the good stuff. So, let me tell you what IS awesome (based on my pre-surgery top ten list).
10. Yes! I can paint my own toenails now! Although I still prefer a nice pedicure...
9. Still wearing my ugly Z-coils, but I need to go shoe shopping. Can you believe my tennis shoes have gotten too big? It's crazy how much less puffy my feet have gotten.
8. About a month ago we went to one of the Phoenix Boys Choir concerts at the Orpheum, which has notoriously small seats. Last time I was there I was SO uncomfortable! This time, I easily slid into the seat without even thinking about it. Then suddenly I remembered how awful it had been before! What a cool WOW moment!
7. Still used a seatbelt extender when I flew to Africa, and I haven't been anywhere since then (that was February). I think I need to go take a trip now, just to try it out!
6. I work in my yard pulling weeds, pruning the trees, etc. etc. with much less pain/aching afterwards. It's getting better!
5. My energy is much improved. A full day of teaching is not nearly as hard as it used to be. I just got through teaching two weeks of science camp, and most days were just fine!
4. I am completely off by diabetes meds (totally normal blood sugars--even with a glucose challenge!), and I take less pain medication than before (still working on that goal).
3. My selection of clothing is still limited to plus sizes, but I am no longer stuck wearing awful knit pants! Once I finally hit the point where I could fit "normal" zip-up khakis and jeans, I swore I would never wear knit bottoms again (except for exercise clothes, of course!). Right now, my sizes are still changing fairly frequently, so my "favorite" shops are Goodwill and D.I. I don't think I'll spend money buying the good stuff until I hit my goal.
2. I'm much more active, and I look forward to biking this fall (hint to Alden: guess what I want for my birthday???)
1. My outlook for a long, healthy life keeps getting better and better!
Love you all,
Cassi
Still fighting some old demons now and then, which is ironic, since I resisted surgery saying that I needed to gain greater self-mastery "on my own". Someone upstairs has a sense of humor. Looks like I still have much learning to do! But hey, every day's a new day. What's different now is that I don't let a slip up ruin my entire week. Or month. And they don't happen very often. In the "old days," I found I was making "exceptions" all the time. Those add up! Nowadays, exceptions truly are an exception and not the rule. I still get frustrated with myself for choosing things that are not in line with my goals. Why do I do that? I mean, they are MY goals, so why is it sometimes hard to simply pass it up? Hmmm. I think I need to try and remind myself in the moment that xyz is not what I really want. Seriously, it's just food, afterall. Why should it take any precedence over my REAL goals?
I have been noticing that I tend to post when I'm frustrated about something. I seem to be using this journal as an outlet for sorting out my feelings, which is fine, but then I never get around to posting all the good stuff. So, let me tell you what IS awesome (based on my pre-surgery top ten list).
10. Yes! I can paint my own toenails now! Although I still prefer a nice pedicure...
9. Still wearing my ugly Z-coils, but I need to go shoe shopping. Can you believe my tennis shoes have gotten too big? It's crazy how much less puffy my feet have gotten.
8. About a month ago we went to one of the Phoenix Boys Choir concerts at the Orpheum, which has notoriously small seats. Last time I was there I was SO uncomfortable! This time, I easily slid into the seat without even thinking about it. Then suddenly I remembered how awful it had been before! What a cool WOW moment!
7. Still used a seatbelt extender when I flew to Africa, and I haven't been anywhere since then (that was February). I think I need to go take a trip now, just to try it out!
6. I work in my yard pulling weeds, pruning the trees, etc. etc. with much less pain/aching afterwards. It's getting better!
5. My energy is much improved. A full day of teaching is not nearly as hard as it used to be. I just got through teaching two weeks of science camp, and most days were just fine!
4. I am completely off by diabetes meds (totally normal blood sugars--even with a glucose challenge!), and I take less pain medication than before (still working on that goal).
3. My selection of clothing is still limited to plus sizes, but I am no longer stuck wearing awful knit pants! Once I finally hit the point where I could fit "normal" zip-up khakis and jeans, I swore I would never wear knit bottoms again (except for exercise clothes, of course!). Right now, my sizes are still changing fairly frequently, so my "favorite" shops are Goodwill and D.I. I don't think I'll spend money buying the good stuff until I hit my goal.
2. I'm much more active, and I look forward to biking this fall (hint to Alden: guess what I want for my birthday???)
1. My outlook for a long, healthy life keeps getting better and better!
Love you all,
Cassi
Monday, May 12, 2008
Amazing shopping experience...
I went clothes shopping (again) today. It nearly brought me to tears in the dressing room. Happy tears, that is. Very happy tears! For the first time in, oh, about twenty years, there is a "1" as first digit on the size label. Yes, I now fit an 18/20 (or 2X) in tops. I'm still about a 22 or 24 in pants and skirts, which seems to be the norm for me right now. Hopefully it'll even out by the time I'm at my "ideal" size (whatever that may be).
After shopping at WalMart (got some great clearance deals!), I went to Costco to pick up a few things. As I walked past the clothing section, a couple of blouses caught my eye. Being still giddy about discovering my new size, I thought, "I wonder if I could fit an extra large?" Yeah right, wishful thinking! I held it up to me anyway, just out of morbid curiousity, and it looked like it would probably fit! I really liked it, and figured that even if it didn't fit right now, it would eventually. So I bought it. When I got home, I tried it on and this is the result...
Just for fun, here's my "before" pic...
I'm finally at the point where people are starting to notice. It really does take awhile for changes to show because I was so very large. It was about 75-80 pounds before it was noticeable to people who didn't know and weren't really looking for changes. Next week marks the six-month point. The time has gone by so quickly! I am planning to post an update on my "top 10 reasons" on my six month "surgiversary," so I'll save that for next week. That'll give you something to tune in for later. :-)
I'm finally at the point where people are starting to notice. It really does take awhile for changes to show because I was so very large. It was about 75-80 pounds before it was noticeable to people who didn't know and weren't really looking for changes. Next week marks the six-month point. The time has gone by so quickly! I am planning to post an update on my "top 10 reasons" on my six month "surgiversary," so I'll save that for next week. That'll give you something to tune in for later. :-)
I am thankful to all of you who offered such encourgaging comments when I was in a funk a few weeks ago. Andrea was so right in pointing out that my feelings of inadequacy were the result of comparing myself to others (never a good idea!) and thinking that I was somehow "less" than someone who did it without surgical intervention. I was also guilty of pride, thinking that I needed to do it "on my own." For better or worse (or both), I tend to have this self-concept that I can do anything I set my mind to, and it has been very humbling (and much needed) to admit that I needed help in a big way. I am working on being okay with that. As I said, 99% of the time I'm simply thrilled to bits with the marvelous progress and changes, and so glad that I finally took that enormous step. It is giving me back my life, both literally and figuratively. How could I not be grateful?!
Thanks for all of your support--it truly means the world to me! This has been an amazing ride so far, and I can't wait to see what next 2/3 of the journey is like!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Buyer's remorse at 5 months?
Warning: I never promised all sunshine and rainbows in this blog. It's a record of all that I'm experiencing on this journey, good and bad.
I've been having some emotional struggles this morning, so I hope you don't mind me "getting it all out" here. When I sat down at my computer this morning, I saw an MSN story about the girl who won the Biggest Loser competition (first female ever!). Wow! She lost well over a hundred pounds with the intensive routine that is Biggest Loser. Awesome, but also not very realistic for everyone to devote 8-10 hours a day to exercise. Then there was a link to another story about a woman who lost 230 pounds--the NORMAL way! You know, eat less, exercise more, healthy choices, etc. Nothing excessive, just consistently better choices. It took her two and a half years to lose the weight. (She probably doesn't have saggy skin, either.)
I started feeling like I had made a huge mistake in doing this. Like, if she can do it, then why can't I? Don't get me wrong, I love that I've lost 70 lbs in the five months since surgery. But why did I have to have major surgery to do it? Why couldn't I simply have the will power to reduce portions and get myself into an exercise routine? Why didn't I give it one more "one last shot?" WHY DIDN'T I DO IT THE NORMAL, HEALTHY WAY??? I will forever have a permanently altered gasto-intestinal system, all because I didn't have the "whatever" to do it on my own.
This was always my #1 reason for putting off having the surgery. I felt like I could/should do it the "normal" way. I finally gave in when my back pain was becoming completely intolerable and was affecting everything in my life. Am I glad that I had the surgery? Yes. My quality of life is already dramatically better, and I'm only 1/3 of the way to my goal. I guess what I am lamenting is that I lacked the will or strength to do what it takes on my own. I regret that surgery was my only way out, because I was too weak or unfocused to do it without having to have major intervention. Granted, it still takes a lot of effort on my part, especially when it comes to planning/tracking my eating and exercising regularly. So, it's not as if surgery did it all FOR me. Really, all the surgery does is make it so that I eat small portions and do not absorb as many calories (and nutrients!). So, why on earth could I not simply make myself eat less?!
In the end, I don't regret that I had the surgery. I regret that I needed the surgery--because I lacked the "whatever" to do it on my own. That's something I'll always have to live with, along with my modified GI tract.
I've been having some emotional struggles this morning, so I hope you don't mind me "getting it all out" here. When I sat down at my computer this morning, I saw an MSN story about the girl who won the Biggest Loser competition (first female ever!). Wow! She lost well over a hundred pounds with the intensive routine that is Biggest Loser. Awesome, but also not very realistic for everyone to devote 8-10 hours a day to exercise. Then there was a link to another story about a woman who lost 230 pounds--the NORMAL way! You know, eat less, exercise more, healthy choices, etc. Nothing excessive, just consistently better choices. It took her two and a half years to lose the weight. (She probably doesn't have saggy skin, either.)
I started feeling like I had made a huge mistake in doing this. Like, if she can do it, then why can't I? Don't get me wrong, I love that I've lost 70 lbs in the five months since surgery. But why did I have to have major surgery to do it? Why couldn't I simply have the will power to reduce portions and get myself into an exercise routine? Why didn't I give it one more "one last shot?" WHY DIDN'T I DO IT THE NORMAL, HEALTHY WAY??? I will forever have a permanently altered gasto-intestinal system, all because I didn't have the "whatever" to do it on my own.
This was always my #1 reason for putting off having the surgery. I felt like I could/should do it the "normal" way. I finally gave in when my back pain was becoming completely intolerable and was affecting everything in my life. Am I glad that I had the surgery? Yes. My quality of life is already dramatically better, and I'm only 1/3 of the way to my goal. I guess what I am lamenting is that I lacked the will or strength to do what it takes on my own. I regret that surgery was my only way out, because I was too weak or unfocused to do it without having to have major intervention. Granted, it still takes a lot of effort on my part, especially when it comes to planning/tracking my eating and exercising regularly. So, it's not as if surgery did it all FOR me. Really, all the surgery does is make it so that I eat small portions and do not absorb as many calories (and nutrients!). So, why on earth could I not simply make myself eat less?!
In the end, I don't regret that I had the surgery. I regret that I needed the surgery--because I lacked the "whatever" to do it on my own. That's something I'll always have to live with, along with my modified GI tract.
Friday, April 4, 2008
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