$43.11 of Mortification

I bought a new pair of shoes today. That hardly seems like blog-worthy news, but it is. They were athletic shoes. Now, to most of you, that seems even less blog-worthy. Maybe some Bandalinos or Guccis, sure, but tennies? The truth is, I haven't bought tennis shoes in years. It is simply too much of an ordeal. My feet are not exactly normal-sized. The tennis shoes I bought today were a size 9.5 wide. I almost died! Not that there's anything wrong with being a size 9.5. The problem is that I'm NOT a 9.5! Standing on the foot measuring thingy, I'm a size 6. Seriously! But does my foot actually FIT in a size 6? Uh, no. Maybe my big toe would, but it's a little hard to walk that way. :-)

Even more embarrassing than the size was the fact that it was so awkward to put on my socks and shoes. Tying them was quite a feat of body contortion. Eventually the sales girl (tiny, of course) said, "Here, let me get that for you." And she tied my shoe for me. Could I please just crawl under a rock?

Here's something I've noticed. Since deciding to do this surgery, my weight/size issues have come to a painful awareness. I used to think that I didn't worry much about what other people may or may not be thinking. Now I realize that that was just a sham, a survival mechanism. I had to adopt a shell of "I don't care what people are thinking" just so I could get on with doing what I needed to do. For example, when I went back to school nine years ago, I did not fit in. And I mean that quite literally. I did not fit in the desks. Yet, I was determined to go back to school and get my degree. So, I started "scouting out" the rooms ahead of time. I made sure there was a chair in the room that was not attached to a desk. Then when I went to class, I got there early so that I could "set up" by sitting in the regular chair and turning one of the desks around backwards to use as a writing surface. I did this for four years. Dang, I can sure be determined sometimes! However, I think that creating a facade of "I don't care" has its downsides.

So, back to my tennis shoes. Or, more accurately, my walking shoes (tennis will come later). I survived the ordeal and I am now the proud owner of a pair of New Balance shoes. Post surgery, lots of walking is important--even from the very first day they get you up and walking the halls. Initially, this is because they expand the abdomen with CO2 gas in order to do the surgery laproscopically, which can result in nasty gas pains. The best way to work the gas out is walk, walk, walk. After that, though, walking continues to be important for getting in non-strenuous exercise in the first six weeks post-op. As you know, walking is hard for me; I get severe pain in my back after about 10 minutes. So, I will do what I can and push it a little, but not so much that I can't continue the next day.

After my shoe purchase, I went to our gym and met with a personal trainer. I want to do this right, and I am very committed to the exercise portion of losing weight. Surgery doesn't "fix" that part of the equation! We did an overall assessment to get my "starting point", which is not too impressive. But it sure will be exciting to see it improve! So, here are my stats:

Chronological Age: 42 (Body age=52)
Weight: 352 lbs (initial goal=299)
Max VO2: 14.7, very poor (initial goal: 30.0, fair=29.45-32.30)
Bicep Strength: 52 lbs, average (initial goal: 60 lbs, good=56-72 lbs)
Flexibility: 10", poor (initial goal: 12.0", fair=11.1-12.8")
Body Fat: 43.1%, obese (initial goal: 35%, overweight=30.1-35.0%)

I will keep these updated as I go along through my metamorphosis. I think these numbers are much more telling than the numbers on the scale!

Three more days!