A new approach to Christmastime...

Everyone knows that Christmastime is fraught with caloric dangers: treats from the neighbors, goodies at family get-togethers, etc., etc. I've taken different approaches from year to year, ranging from, "I'm going to just enjoy myself and not worry about it," to "I'm not going to eat any sugar at all." Neither of those approaches worked very well. If I told myself I wasn't going to eat any treats, then I felt deprived, like I was missing out. If I threw caution to the wind, well then, the consequences of that are pretty obvious. The problem is that "Christmas" is not a one day event. There are temptations spread out over several weeks, starting with Thanksgiving and ending sometime after all the New Year's goodies are either eaten or thrown out.

As you can see, I was never very good at moderation. I tend(ed?) to be an all-or-nothing person. That's why this year was amazingly, and refreshingly, different. If the neighbors brought treats, I had a couple of bites and I was done. Christmas Eve family dinner? A couple bites of cheesecake and a miniscule nibble of fudge. Done. I simply didn't want any more. I didn't feel deprived, and I didn't overdo it. Do you have any idea how amazing this is to me?

For the first time in memory, I lost weight during the Christmas season. My stall has broken and I am down a couple more pounds, making a total of 31 lbs. lost to date.

I have had a couple of "firsts" in the past week or so. I had my first "emotional" wrestle with food post-surgery. It's a bit strange, but I'll share anyway. We were serving up dinner, which happened to be one of my favorites, and as I dished up the plates and put this little tiny serving on my plate I felt cheated, almost like it wasn't "fair." I know it sounds crazy, but this really upset me. I had a hard time putting words on my feelings, until I was talking about it with my sister and sister-in-law. My SIL was the one who identified the "fairness" issue. It's kind of like serving up a piece of cake to your two children, and you give one child a big piece and the other child a little tiny sliver. Naturally, child number two is going to say, "Hey! Wait a minute! That's not fair!" That is what I felt like, even though I know--logically--that I simply can't eat a normal-sized portion. I think that my "fairness" issue shows up in many areas of my life--for better or worse. Like most traits, it can have both positive and negative implications. However, by being aware of it, we can mitigate the negative.

My other "first" was being very sick on something I ate. Other than the fried foods, which I mentioned in an earlier post (made me feel generally "yucky" and uncomfortable), I've been able to tolerate everything I tried. Until Christmas dinner last night. I made a pork roast with cranberry chutney, garlic mashed potatoes, and creamed green beans. I'm not really sure what was the culprit, but I suspect the pork roast. I am supposed to be on mushy foods still, but I didn't want to eat only potatoes, so I thought I would just chew the roast really well. I only had a few bites before I started feeling really awful. I excused myself from the table and went into my room to lie down for a bit. The pain in my stomach was just horrible! Finally, I threw up my "dinner." I had no idea such a tiny stomach could retch so powerfully! It still took a couple hours to feel semi-normal again. Lesson learned--no more non-pureed meat until I'm ready for that! I'm not sure when "ready" will be, since I'm now too nervous to even try for quite awhile! Sorry to share such an unpleasant event, but I never promised a glossy view of what's going on. This blog is about the whole journey, not just the feel-good moments.

Moving on to happier outcomes. The other "first" I experienced this last week was my first "eating in public where nearly everyone knows I had surgery". I've been out to eat since surgery, but that was no big deal. However, the ward party had me very nervous. I almost didn't go because I was so worried about what people might be thinking. "Why is she eating so little?" "Should she be eating that?" "Did you hear about Cassi?" Blah, blah, blah. In the end, of course, it was nothing to worry about. I had some ham and scalloped potatoes, and I put a roll on my plate even though I had no intention of eating it. I just felt silly with two little tiny portions of ham and potatoes on my plate! Unfortunately, there were no cooked vegetables, just salad (which I cannot eat yet). We sat down by our neighbors and I ate s-l-o-w-l-y and I don't think anyone even noticed! Oh, and I had one bite of Alden's brownie. It wasn't all that great. Sometimes it amazes me how we worry about what people are thinking, and in the end it turns out to be nothing at all. Silly, silly! It was a lovely party and I was glad that I went.

Oddly, someone that I hardly know (we recently changed ward boundaries) came up to me and said, "I heard you had that stomach cutting thing; how's that going for you?" That was weird. Turns out, though, that his wife has been wanting to do it, so he just wanted to talk about it. I'm not sure how he found out. I only told a few people in the ward, but that's about all it takes for it to become public knowledge! Besides he's new in our bishopric, so maybe he heard about it through that grapevine. Anyway, I told him I was soooooo glad I had done it, that the risks need to be considered along with the benefits, along with alternatives (such as Weight Watchers, regular exercise, etc.). But that, for me, it was definitely the right decision.

People do need to realize that WLS is not instead of diet and exercise. It is a tool to work along with diet and exercise. It will not push you out the door to go exercise. It will not stop you from filling up on empty carbs/calories. If anything, you have to be particularly conscientious about the nutritional quality of what you eat. It is not, I repeat NOT, the easy way out. What it is, is a very successful route from point A to point B. The 5-year success rate for gastric bypass is about 80-85%. The 5-year success rate for traditional dieting is about 3-5%. That doesn't mean that WLS is guaranteed to be successful, nor does it mean that traditional dieting won't be successful. I think it means that success hinges on making lasting, permanent changes. If you can do that without surgery, awesome! I couldn't. Or at least I hadn't yet been able to. Maybe I could have eventually. But in the meantime, the sands of my life were quickly slipping through the hourglass, and I was not going to lose anymore time wishing, wanting, waiting. I decided to let the odds work in my favor, and chose the surgery. And so far, I've been very glad that I did (and very chagrined that it took me so long to make the decision!)

Merry Christmas, everyone!